I have recently been at Kalamos. Being at a kids’ camp for
17 days provided plenty of opportunities to talk about confession and forgiveness.
My first opportunity was in English (phew!) with a couple of English-as-primary-language
boys. They had been bickering and being mean to each other for about a day and
I had innocently asked one of them how they were doing. He tearfully explained
the situation and how it was making him miserable but he didn't really know how
to stop. We talked about the fact that these things escalate when we treat
others the way we think we've been treated rather than the way we want to be
treated; when we justify our behaviour by our twisted perception of other people’s
actions. What he needed was to seek the forgiveness of the other boy and to forgive
him. We talked about how that kind of conversation couldn’t start with him
pointing the finger but with him confessing his own part in the problems. For a
10 year-old he was impressively mature and willing to do this. So we went to
the other boy, I explained that I was just there to witness the conversation.
He confessed his part (his guilt, his sin) and asked for forgiveness, which he was
given willingly. The other boy, without prompting, apologised for his part and
asked for forgiveness and received it. I then congratulated them both and
prayed for their friendship. It was a heart-warming experience!
It happened
again the next day with a couple of smaller girls, again in English, and then
again later in the week in Greek with other girls. There was one occasion
where, due to a fight between two boys from different tents, the boys from each
tent were plotting revenge against the offending boy from the other tent. The
leader of the camp called the tents together and talked about vengeance vs
forgiveness, and opened a floodgate of apologies and forgiveness given. This
was all very encouraging and right for a Christian camp: opportunities to
remind the children of the gospel that they know about but don’t necessarily
trust in for themselves yet; a reminder about how much we should be prepared to
forgive others even if we are ‘innocent’ because of how much God has forgiven
us. Little did I know that in our final week I was going to have to put this
into practice in a way I hadn’t anticipated.
On the final Monday of the camp we had a πανηγύρι (panigiri – fête).
Over the course of the camp we had been earning camp money through chores and
exceptional behaviour which we could spend at the πανηγύρι. There were stalls with games, a
popcorn/candy floss stand and little ‘basket stalls’ with goods to buy: mostly
second hand bits and pieces, various stationery goods with Bible verses, etc. I
found a very cute little metal blond boy carrying a rake that would make a good
little present for the absent Jonathan. He actually had two brothers that I
also wanted to buy, but a couple of girls expressed an interest in them, so I
let them buy them. At the end of the evening I decided not to put him in the
suitcase for fear he’d get damaged and elected to put him on the shelf in the
bungalow instead.
The next afternoon during free time most of the girls from
my ‘tent’ – the bungalow – came to me with a bag containing the little boy, now
beheaded. Apparently they had all been playing in the bungalow and one of the
girls, let’s call her Maria, had taken my boy off the shelf and started mucking
about with him. The others had, apparently, told her not to do that and warned
her that he was fragile and wasn't a toy. Before she knew it, his head was off
and they were all outraged. She begged them not to tell me and ran off to
hide/play on the swings. Their sense of injustice was aided by the fact that
Maria had been a bit whiny and annoying for most of them most of the camp. They
smelt blood and came to me to report this transgression.
I am not very proud of my initial reaction. I was furious
and just about managed to contain that fury. I told the girls to not play in
the bungalow but to go and do something else and that I would talk to Maria.
They didn't know where she was. I went to the bungalow first to put away the
bits and see if Maria was there. By the time I found her I had calmed down
considerably and had begun to think about how I might approach this. Maria is
only five years old and this is her first time away at camp, so I needed to do
a good job. It went something like this:
I explained to her that I had found out about the boy and
that I had been angry and upset. The fact that it was a present for my husband
probably made it more upsetting to me than it would have been otherwise. I didn’t
lay it on thick, but I did make sure that she understood that I thought this
was serious. As I spoke she wept. I then asked her to explain to me what had
happened. She didn’t really want to speak, but I encouraged her to take a deep
breath and say what she needed to say. She recounted the ‘incident’ and even
admitted to asking the other girls not to tell me. I told her that I had been
angry to start with and upset but that I couldn’t stay angry. I told her that I
had wondered if there was an appropriate punishment that I could give her. I
explained that, by the time I had found her I had realised something. That I
needed to forgive her. That it was better if she was sorry and easier for me,
but that either way, I needed to forgive her. You see, she’d broken this little
boy that had only been mine for a few hours, but that God had broken his own
Eternal Son, so that He could forgive us all that we had done against him. That
her sin against me was like a tiny speck of dust compared to a whole world of
sin that I had committed against God and He had forgiven me in Jesus. I told
her that, in forgiving her, I was going to forget about it, not hold it against
her, not remind her of it and that we would go and speak to the rest of the
tent. So I encouraged her to apologise and I forgave her. We hugged and I
prayed for both of us.
Hand-in-hand we went to find the others. In our little tent pow-wow
I told the others a bit about our conversation. Some of them struggled a bit
more than Maria and I did about the whole business of simply forgiving her and
not speaking of it again. Like the natural Pharisees that we are, they wanted
to point out again that they were right to tell her not to play with the boy
and that she had done a bad thing in ignoring them. I told them that as the
wronged party I had forgiven her and that they now needed to leave it. We
prayed again, all together and happily carried on with the rest of the week.
Because of the upset and the forgiveness, I think Maria and I had a much
stronger bond than we had done before.
As I’ve recounted this story, to Jonathan and to others, I’ve
been reminded that it’s not rocket science; it’s not that complicated or that
exceptional or that unusual, but it is profound because it’s so clearly not the
way of the world. I am naturally like Maria, wanting to avoid my sin and deny
it, not blatantly (mostly) but passively, wanting to hide it from God and from
others.
I am also naturally disinclined to forgive. I want vengeance
or justice or payment even! I want to stay angry or upset or both and feel that
that’s the right way to respond when someone sins against me. The line in the
Lord’s Prayer is a simple concept though and one that I have had some
understanding of since I was Maria’s age. It’s not simply “forgive us our sins”,
although God does that, in Jesus. The proof of our understanding and our
appreciation of the weight and strength and power of that forgiveness is in the
second clause: “as we forgive those who sin against us”. How could I stay angry
or upset or both with Maria? What could she do, anyway, to repay me for her
sin? Even if she could buy me a new boy would that really make it all ok? No,
forgiveness was the only appropriate response. And just as I have grown in
understanding and appreciation of what that means, I pray that so too would
Maria and all the other lovely little girls from my tent. That in years to come
they would know the enormity of the forgiveness they have been given in Jesus
and freely, willingly (and more quickly than I?!) give that forgiveness to
others in the name of Jesus. Amen.
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